Commander Amaro Strikes Back Against Sabermetrics

Eternal Leader Ruben Amaro Jr. has fought back against the warmongers of baseball analysis, including FanGraphs, Keith Law, and similar sources, in their invalid interpretation of how baseball should be played. These obstructionist sources have long fought against the honor and sovereignty of the Phillies, unfairly criticizing their styles of play and roster management.

Eternal Leader Amaro, being the most brilliant baseball mind, has struck back with his own advanced knowledge. He detailed his many teachings of baseball, and has declared that the way to win is not through these incompetent ideologies. General Amaro does not care about walks, or any other puppet ideology, he cares about production. His lineup, led by productive leaders Michael Young and Delmon Young, will be a force to destroy sabermetrics for good, bringing peace to the baseball community.

The Phillies can no longer stand for these imperialist websites fighting against the freedom of their organization, and they will strike back at the next movement or ideological attack. The people of Philadelphia sing in unison in hopes of turning this destructive sabermetric ideology into a sea of fire and a pile of ashes. If these attacks continue, the Phillies will fight back with the force of the most advanced organization in baseball.

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